lost - for hunter_returns

[restrengthen]

Gadreel was still reeling. Kevin's face kept replaying over and over again in his mind and Dean's look of betrayal... He had no choice and he knew this to be truth. Metatron was offering him something that even his Father wouldn't. A place in Heaven, not a dungeon. Still, it pained him. He had taken an innocent life. He was far from righteous, but he had been trying to change... he had wanted to be good. What was he now? The murderer of a prophet.

He breathed out a weary sigh and tilted his head back. He could feel Sam stirring within him again and he dreaded the day that he would be strong enough to intervene.

Comments

[hunter_returns]

He'd been putting the pieces together for weeks now. Missing time, odd reactions, flashes of dreams that made no sense. Dean was a good liar, but even Sam could pick up on the uneasy way his brother looked at him most of the time.

Something was wrong.

It was the flood of grace, of power that burned Kevin up that woke Sam from his induced sleep. Tamped down beneath the consciousness of an angel.

Getoutgetoutgetout A weak and panicked flailing of his consciousness, but he wasn't strong enough to do more than faintly protest. But the further they traveled, the more aware Sam grew. He couldn't cast him out, but he could talk to him. The angel didn't have the same certainty as Lucifer, the same clarity. There was too much confusion, too much pain and turmoil.

So Sam did what he always did. He talked. Why did you do it? Why did you kill Kevin? He wasn't a threat to you.

[restrengthen]

Gadreel was quiet for a moment, fighting against the protest he felt. It was a precarious balance -- keeping Sam's body functioning enough to be useful and attempting to keep Sam weak enough to prevent him from pushing him out of his body. It wasn't that he'd necessarily lied when he promised Dean that he would heal him -- he had every intention in the beginning.

Things had become such a mess since those days...

He wasn't. There was no reason to disagree or argue it. Metatron sees him as one though. I didn't get a choice...

[hunter_returns]

He was exhausted, but Winchester determination carried him far enough to keep talking. That's not true. You always have a choice.

Ohgod Dean. Was he all right? Worry flooded him, enough to keep Sam awake. As long as Gadreel didn't overwhelm him, he could manage. Look in my memories. My brother and I were supposed to be vessels for the Apocalypse. Everyone said we didn't have a choice, that we were fated to end the world.

The trials. He should have finished them. Kevin would be alive right now. Free will. We always have choices. Don't do this.

[restrengthen]

Your brother is fine. He could feel the worry, feel the panic. It was unnecessary though. He had not touched Dean other than to keep him from attacking.

What choices do I have? He wanted to go home, but not to a dungeon. Not back to a cage and his Father would not forgive him so easily. It's too late. I would be dead if I took any other path now.

[hunter_returns]

No, Dean isn’t okay. He’s about as far from ‘okay’ as he can get and Sam can’t help but worry after what had happened. You told him I was gone. There was no accusation, no sense of rebuke, only concern for his brother.

Sam knew that desperation, feeling trapped and shoved on a path that you didn’t want to go down. It’s never too late. Just.. just stop. Please. Listen to me. Imploring with everything that he had left, Sam knew that if this didn’t work, if Gadreel didn’t listen, he probably would vanish. Fade beneath the angel’s consciousness until there really was nothing left.

You can make your own path, find your own way. It doesn’t have to be Metatron’s way and it doesn’t have to be God’s way. I sacrificed everything for free will and I don’t think it was just something given to humans. It was given to angels too. Castiel, Gabriel, Anna, Balthazar, they all made their own choices. Maybe they weren’t always the right ones, but they were free to do it.

[restrengthen]

I had to. Or perhaps he didn't. It wasn't said out of malice though. He didn't have any real desire to hurt Dean more than necessary... particularly not when he knew his actions were done out of love for his brother. He hadn't been entirely lying when he said that he thought angels were meant to be creatures of compassion.

What would you do in my place, Sam? I don't want to go back to dungeons... I don't want to be kept a prisoner. I just want to go home.. he frowned darkly, eyes darting down to the ground. Father would never forgive me and Metatron seems so certain...

[hunter_returns]

No you didn't. But that's not what Sam is here to argue about. He has to get him to turn around before he can try and convince him to go back to his brother. After everything Dean had done to save him, telling him that.. god. He's got to be going out of his mind.

Lucifer was certain too. Being sure of your path doesn't mean that it's the right one, okay? I thought I was doing the right thing and wound up opening the Cage. Setting him free. Regret sings through him as he gathers his fading strength. I was wrong. So was Lucifer. Metatron, he lied to Castiel. How do you know he's not lying to you?

[restrengthen]

If he hadn't, then Dean would have held out hope. He would have come after him, tried to reach Sam. He felt like he had to.

I'm not certain that he's not... but as I said, there aren't many options for me. There's doubt there. There's been doubt since he was given that piece of paper with Kevin's name. Killing the prophet... it was not something I desired to do.

[hunter_returns]

You didn't have to hurt Kevin. He was.. he was family. Sam will grieve for him later. He was a good kid who had done his best with a terrible situation. He deserved better.

Listen, there are always options. Go back to the bunker. We'll find them together. I promise, we'll find a way to get you back. Crowley had said the spell was irreversible, but Sam meant every word of what he said.

You're not a killer. You got screwed by God's Plan, I get that. Kind of the story of mine and Dean's life. Go back. We'll find a way together.

[restrengthen]

Metatron was afraid of him. That he would find something, perhaps. That the spell could truly be undone. Anyone's guess was as good as any at this point.

He feels himself hesitating. He can't help it. His faith was shaken by tonight's order. But--

You know as well as I do that Dean will find a way to kill me if I go back.

[hunter_returns]

That hesitation was enough for Sam to jump in again, to keep talking. Not if you let me talk to him. Maybe, maybe if you go to Metatron, we can find some kind of way to stop him. Together.

Look, I know it's hard, I know it sucks, but we can do this. They'd defeated Lucifer, they'd saved the world. They can do this. Somehow. Sam is exhausted beyond measure, but he can't let Dean face this alone. Can't let him think that this was his fault.

Please. Just let me talk to him. He's all I've got.

[restrengthen]

Perhaps. It was a possibility that they could find another way -- he knew about the Winchesters enough to know that they were capable of doing impossible things.

If I go back, then I have to have some promise of my safety, Sam. I don't want to die... not lie this. Not at the hands of my brothers or Dean.

[hunter_returns]

I won’t let him hurt you. Look, Dean’s gone to a lot of trouble to keep me alive. And they were going to have Words about that in the near future, make no mistake about it.

The only way we’re going to make this right is together. I promise. I won’t try and expel you, and I need you not to screw with my memory anymore. No more lost time.

Gadreel had tried, and if Sam had picked up on one false note in his thoughts, he’d probably have tried to push him free and risk the consequences. But he’d heard real remorse, real regret and the sound of an angel boxed in by fate and powers too big for him to control.
We can do this. Find some other way. If Dean won’t help, then we’ll do it on our own.

[restrengthen]

I won't. He won't touch his memory. The only reason he had was to ensure he wouldn't be expelled from his body before his job healing him was done.

Now, they had an understanding. There wasn't a necessity in keeping himself hidden any longer.

He'll be watching. Metatron won't let me go so easily, I fear.

[hunter_returns]

Relief. So much relief. Sam took a moment to gather his thoughts. Thank you. And he probably won't, but we'll figure something out. Did you leave with my cell phone? We should call Dean first.

His memories were disjointed and fractured, but he could piece together enough of the last few weeks. Can you read the angel tablet? Maybe there's something in it we can use against him.

[restrengthen]

It was in my... our pocket, yes.. After a moment, he reaches for it, holding it in his hand.

The prophet is the one who can read the tablet... It is why Metatron wanted Kevin dead, I believe.

[hunter_returns]

Then we need to find out who's been tapped to be the next prophet. But first, let's call Dean. Then we'll figure out how to make this right. Okay?

One disaster at a time, it was the only way to get through things some days. Find Dean, let him know that he really is still alive, then find a way to stop Metatron and get Gadreel either home or safe in his vessel and set on a path he was comfortable with.

[restrengthen]

Gadreel hesitated, fingertip tracing the phone absently. Call Dean. It sounded like a terrible idea to him, considering how they left things.

If my brothers find me before we reach Dean... we will both been in trouble. You do know this, don't you, Sam?

[hunter_returns]

I know. But if you let Dean think I'm really gone, trust me when I tell you the angels are the least of your problems. He'll never stop hunting you.

It's going to be close to impossible to convince Dean that he really isn't gone, but Sam doesn't know where else to start. They were stronger together and right now he's so exhausted it's a struggle to keep his thoughts coherent. Find Dean. Start with the basics.

You don't want my brother hunting you. You've been able to hide up until now, we can work together until we get back home and back to Dean.

Please. Just let me talk to my brother.

[restrengthen]

Speak with him then. He may not believe it's you still though. Not after what Gadreel had told him. Though he knew if anyone could change Dean Winchester's mind, it was Sam. He knew how close they were, how well they always worked together. He had been in Sam's mind this entire time after all.

He didn't always listen in, didn't always wander through his memories, but he had learned enough he thought.

His thumb selected Dean's number from the contacts and hit send, though he was still far from certain.

[hunter_returns]

There are things that'll get his attention. Because no matter how desperate the situation was, Sam still had faith that his brother would realize it was him, that they'd find some way to make this right.

We can do this. Somehow.

It's disorienting, trying to pull himself closer to the surface, drawing up the phone to hear the quiet drone of the ringer. "Come on, man. Pick up."

[restrengthen]

Gadreel had no reason to fight for control. He let Sam have it, willingly, for the moment. It didn't mean he was not conscious or aware when Dean's voice came on, rough and just tinged with desperation, "Sam?"

Gadreel could pick up the caution tempering his tone though, the wariness.

[hunter_returns]

It was going to be a tenuous alliance, until Sam could convince Gadreel that they could find another way to get him home, or at least keep him free from another prison.

"Yeah Dean, it's me. I'm not sure where we are.. but it's me. Dean, I need you to listen. I've been talking to the angel, Gadreel."

[restrengthen]

"How do I know it's really you?"

Gadreel was tense, worried. If they couldn't convince Dean... then they were on their own and he still wasn't certain what he should do. What they would do.

[hunter_returns]

That was the big question, wasn't it? How was he going to prove it to Dean?

"Because there's no way on this earth he'd call you if I wasn't begging him to. Look Dean, I know what you did and I know why you did it, I get it." Doesn't mean he's not going to yell about it, but right now? Bigger problems.

"The angel's name is Gadreel, not Ezekiel. He was a prisoner in Heaven and he needs our help as much as I need his. If we're gonna make this right, we have to do it together."